Dive into the archives.
- Reasons to Become a Nun
Reason #1: If you marry God you get all his property when he dies.
- On bargain basement brain chemistry.
When I was a kid, I was convinced I came from K-Mart. After all, that’s where you buy things that start with a “K.”
I’ve had a low-grade depression for the past few months that I just can’t seem to shake. It’s affecting my desire to talk to people and the ability to get things done. [...]
- Far-out theories and musings
I think most people have an inner amateur philosopher inside them that cranks out theories to explain themselves and the world. A lot of these theories are crackheaded and that’s what makes them fun.
1. For example, I think that if UFOs are real, the reason that they are so capable of such silence and seemingly [...]
- things that cause me glee.
1. Giant Lego Man Pulled From Sea
2. “Accent Swap Day” at Burning Man
3. Rediscovering the very nice video camera my ex bought for me from the trunk of some guy’s Cutlass Supreme, right in time for my southwest roadtrip adventure.
4. Friday, I went grocery shopping dressed like a ninja.
- one last dispatch before the desert.
Last night I dreamt the Pacific was boiling.
I had walked barefoot down Highway 166, following great ghostly pillars of steam through Guadalupe, past migrant farms and moon-drenched murals depicting life en la frontera.
When I reached the coast, the ocean had mostly burned away, and on the barren seabed lay Detroit, all in flames.
At my side, [...]
- american autobiography.
“I think I was a tree in a past life,” I said, thinking of my wobbly stems, of my hobbling fear of flannel and blue oxen.
- a synesthete’s head.
The letter L has always been green to me. And P tastes funny.
L and R feel like water, a cool and babbling brook, so when I started studying linguistics and found out their phonetic classification is “Liquid,” I had to laugh. Someone had the good misfortune to have a brain like mine.
When I was a [...]
- Campaign promises for Ruler of Earth ‘08
If I ruled the world:
1) For every 20 years of life, everyone would be entitled to four of those years being completely job-free.
a) That’s 20% vacation time.
2) You could use those four years for education, travel, catching of breath, family, career change, swashbuckling adventure, creative pursuits, hunting of holy grails, entrepreneurship, strengthening of mafia ties [...]
- my heart has already fled the scene.
I have no idea where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in a year. I find this most delicious.
When I file my taxes next year, I hope to list my occupation as either 1) swashbuckler; 2) vagabond; or 3) rolling stone.
- A torrid affair.
I had two different guys invite me to hang out tonight, two other invitations to hang out and another to a party with my best friend. When it rains, it pours, I guess. But what did I do instead? I stayed home because I feel absolutely possessed and have been writing for the past nine [...]
